Goodbye, I am leaving
I think it is time for me to remove this emotional attachment and dependence.
I am becoming a fairly negative entity.
I cannot expect a person to understand me.
Not spontaneously anyway.
I realize that past wrongdoings and happenings around me helped shaped my insecurities.
I have a lot of them.
Alone.
Not being understood.
Not loved back.
Ugly.
People's perception.
Am I not good enough?
I know now, distance is a very real issue.
When you are at a distance, you feel very alone. this solitude creates scenarios in your mind sometimes.
Yearning comes after that.
The feeling of missing someone.
This someone might call but most of the time fail to.
Another scenario is created.
What keeps this person occupied?
Am I the only one longing and yearning for a real conversation?
Why didn't they call? Don't they miss you?
Am I the only one gazing at the same sky we used to gaze together?
Those were the kind of things I felt and thought while I was away.
I mean, try to put yourself in a situation where you are surrounded by everybody you love.
Then, you..only you had to go. The rest still stays there. Everybody seemed genuinely sad when you waved goodbye. But then, no one called to say hello the day after. I felt abandoned. I know that is a very strong word, but face it, i was homesick. Like I never felt before. I was fine before but not this time. I hate who I was becoming. I was becoming weak, needy and dependent.
It was all in my head.
All bacause I was homesick
Nobody had abandoned me.
They just continued living life like how the live it every single day.
Except for me. I was thrown into a completely new environment and I didn't have life support because I was not emotionally ready. Unlike the time when I had to leave for KL.
All of that was because of my insecurities.
Well, I think I can fix that.
I just need to give my self some space one again.
Just call me when you need me.
Love,
Pika
I am becoming a fairly negative entity.
I cannot expect a person to understand me.
Not spontaneously anyway.
I realize that past wrongdoings and happenings around me helped shaped my insecurities.
I have a lot of them.
Alone.
Not being understood.
Not loved back.
Ugly.
People's perception.
Am I not good enough?
I know now, distance is a very real issue.
When you are at a distance, you feel very alone. this solitude creates scenarios in your mind sometimes.
Yearning comes after that.
The feeling of missing someone.
This someone might call but most of the time fail to.
Another scenario is created.
What keeps this person occupied?
Am I the only one longing and yearning for a real conversation?
Why didn't they call? Don't they miss you?
Am I the only one gazing at the same sky we used to gaze together?
Those were the kind of things I felt and thought while I was away.
I mean, try to put yourself in a situation where you are surrounded by everybody you love.
Then, you..only you had to go. The rest still stays there. Everybody seemed genuinely sad when you waved goodbye. But then, no one called to say hello the day after. I felt abandoned. I know that is a very strong word, but face it, i was homesick. Like I never felt before. I was fine before but not this time. I hate who I was becoming. I was becoming weak, needy and dependent.
It was all in my head.
All bacause I was homesick
Nobody had abandoned me.
They just continued living life like how the live it every single day.
Except for me. I was thrown into a completely new environment and I didn't have life support because I was not emotionally ready. Unlike the time when I had to leave for KL.
All of that was because of my insecurities.
Well, I think I can fix that.
I just need to give my self some space one again.
Just call me when you need me.
Love,
Pika
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