04-DEC-2020

I said this a lot. I will say it again. Allah knows best. We are worthy of everything we deserve and everything that we get in life. And that includes me, being a mother.

I am a mother now. Aaira's mom. it has been 2 weeks since the birth of our daughter. And my journey throughout pregnancy and labor is nothing short of unique. The fact that we are in the verge of a pandemic sums it all nicely. It is a beautiful catastrophe if you ask me.

During first trimester, it was the peak of Covid-19 scare. we really couldn't go out unless it was really necessary. Forget about inter-state travel. I only had the luxury of meeting up with my husband for a total of 10 days throughout the 9 months period of pregnancy. So, ladies, please be thankful that your annoying husband is by your side most of the time. You don't know how lucky you are. I had to go for antenatal checkups on my own. Right up to my 39th Week.

On the 39th week check up, I had the doctors fingers shoved up my cervix. it was 2-Dec-2020. And that was when the dilation happened. the checkup was terrible. it hurt. for me anyway. then I went back feeling a bit violated and a bit of a period pain.

This small discomfort did not hinder my appetite as i was well on my way to eat a lot of stuff before the delivery date. The last big meal i ate was on that night before i felt constant discomfort or dilation that night which lasted throughout the day of 3-Dec. I admitted myself in the morning. around 830am and decided to just stay at the hospital. My dad had to send me to the hospital as my husbands couldn't cross inter-state without 14 days quarantine. He did not have the luxury to do so.

Dilation pain is real. its a cross-over between period pain and backpain. Intense and short. But the intensity made it seem linger than it actually is. Tips to ease the pain is to not sit on your back. And try to think happy thoughts. TRY. REALLY HARD. Its the only way. Unless you up for epidural. I try to experience it au natural. But it wasn't all the way au natural.

Dilation or contraction pain is something emotional for us hooman. So try to divert your attention or mitigate it in other ways. Talking, eating. I am quite lucky to have a soul sister which offered to be with me even though I never asked for it. Alhamdulillah for this kind soul. 

At around 5pm they gave me the first drug I had since my first arrival there. I think its morphin or some kind. It didn't do much for the pain except made me sleep and drowsy for the next 12 hrs or so.

I woke up again around 6pm ish. Feeling drowsy. Not less painful. Daisy was always there by my side. I wonder why she is soo kind sometimes. 

It was around 1030 that my pain was getting severely worse and that was when i was slowly pushed to the labour room. I couldn't remember much detail except wanting to pee and being in a state of severe pain every now and then.

I remembered the midwife keep telling me to SHIT. BERAK. And I told her I don't feel like it. Now that I think of it, she must have meant to tell me to push. it wasn't until around almost 3am then Dr Aida came in and told me to push that I got the courage to push. but i was already too tired so she administered a drip and let it drip 100%. Only then I was able to push my baby out.

3:08am. A baby human was born. With my husband on whatsapp call, he managed to Iqamat our baby. Thank god for technology. Everything after was a bit blurry. The nurse told me if i wanted to breastfeed the baby but I was too tired to do so..Mommies, don't make the same mistake i did. You should really let them breastfeed to stimulate the breastmilk production. It took me almost 3 weeks to be able to supply  the demand for my baby. but that's a different story.

Now, I am a proud mommy of Aaira Zahra. A blur mommy to be exact. And having to do it alone, meant everything is a make or break thing for me. For all new mommies out there, if you are feeling extremely overwhelmed or feel like you are a bad parent, you are not alone. But dont worry. It is a temporary feeling. We can do it! Cherish every micro moment, no matter how painful it may seem. it is just part of life that will pass. Just like your contraction!